I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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