Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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