we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
