So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
