paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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