i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
