btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Randomize