She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
