I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
