My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
