my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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