mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
