shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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