He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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