it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
