Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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