Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
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look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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