hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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