It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
