I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
