Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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