youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
