Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
