I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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