no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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