Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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