I cannot find my penis.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
