I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
