my mouth tastes like poor choices
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
