I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
