so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
