I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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