Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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