Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
