ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
