your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
