She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
