My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
