Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
