She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
