So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
