Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize