I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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