literally had 100 drinks last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.