wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
