If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.