If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
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Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
You kept saying you had to be safe.