What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.