I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off