Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.

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  (586): theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/psvc
  Replies (12) Good night (1050) Bad night (7404)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.

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  (978): apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material. http://tfl.nu/gr1e
  Replies (12) Good night (2276) Bad night (1220)
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  (415): View more from California

  Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.

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  (415): Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself. http://tfl.nu/x6rs
  Replies (18) Good night (5518) Bad night (1019)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.

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  (601): I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable. http://tfl.nu/2hky
  Replies (6) Good night (2299) Bad night (1023)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer

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  (518): Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer http://tfl.nu/1maf
  Replies (1) Good night (1220) Bad night (549)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.

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  (618): He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you." (224): Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out. http://tfl.nu/vy5b
  Replies (8) Good night (1727) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down

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  (860): You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down http://tfl.nu/2dmo
  Replies (4) Good night (831) Bad night (892)
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  (408): View more from California

  Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?

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  (408): Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection? http://tfl.nu/3s68
  Replies (2) Good night (961) Bad night (517)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before

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  (615): I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before http://tfl.nu/iyr5
  Replies (0) Good night (609) Bad night (641)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.

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  (434): He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face. http://tfl.nu/h6c3
  Replies (13) Good night (1148) Bad night (2222)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.

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  (845): I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent. http://tfl.nu/v6g7
  Replies (9) Good night (448) Bad night (718)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic

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  (973): He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic http://tfl.nu/cjxw
  Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (499)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.

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  (201): Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off. http://tfl.nu/s8w5
  Replies (10) Good night (335) Bad night (1077)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock

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  (518): I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock http://tfl.nu/0p3e
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.

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  (510): But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming. http://tfl.nu/5mbe
  Replies (2) Good night (1061) Bad night (167)

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