I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I want is dick and wine.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
