Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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