Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
