Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There r osticjed everywhere
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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