Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
