I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Randomize
