Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
