First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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