Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
