just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
