i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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