My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize