Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
