Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hippo gnu deer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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