Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
