today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
