So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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