Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
