I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
