I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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