dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
