cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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