note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
