i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
