Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
