How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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