They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
