The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
