My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
