I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
