why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
